Time

 I am coming up the five year anniversary of the end of my marriage and consequently the anniversary of my marriage. The last two years I had quite forgotten about the date and whole ordeal. It was nearly two months later that someone said something that reminded me. This year however I have had it foremost in my mind. 
 In the begging of the end, I was not at all sure I would ever sleep again, ever have a day without a massive headache and chest pains, which I later discovered was a mini stroke. God healed me and brought me through, that is another story for a later time. After my time in the hospital and deciding I had to reduce my stress, I left my house took my boys and moved to the country in a nice little apartment. One day when the boys were being extra difficult and struggling themselves with loss, I rediscovered two things my turbulent marriage had buried. Two things that I loved...1. walking and 2. the rain. It was also the first warm rain of an unusually hot spring, so I told them get their old shoes on and come with me...my then 10 and 8 year old sons were puzzled and full of questions. Up to that point I had spent much time inside and with a dimly lit house, doing only what I had to. We went into the rain, they had so many questions but when I finally made it clear to them they gave all their boyish energy and vigor to the rain, they ran, played, laughed, and as I stood in the middle of my driveway barefoot, soaking wet and looking heavenward with my eyes closed I quieted my mind, listened and silently let the tears flow. Their laughter mixed with the rain and washed my heart with peace and I was happy. I had found my therapy so many said I needed. Then to their surprise and enjoyment I joined in, we splashed in puddles, laid on the wet grass to see who could look into the rain the longest. Then we walked and talked and planned. My parents had moved into the same complex and we walked down to their apartment soaking wet and laughing.  More times than I can count in the first two years we dashed out quickly into the rain as often as possible. It became an escape for me, on bad days when I barely made it to the boys' bedtime, it became a time to go out after they were tucked in and let the rain wash away all the bad, ugly and sad. It became a time of prayer and healing. Tonight I was in the middle of redoing my closet and toward the end of a very rough day and week, and it began to rain. SO I went to the door to let the dog out and instinctively my 12 year old followed closely behind, I stepped out the door and he immediately got excited and asked if he could come with me, we got oldest brother and out we went, they ran, played and I sat on a swing. And my heart was once again at peace. My youngest is in that 12th year war with life and any who dare to discipline and seems to have a permanent bad attitude, came in happy and for the night all is well in the house.
 I am not sure however why I have the date of divorce and marriage so much in mind, I know He knows why and has a purpose for it. 
 So the next time you hear it rain, throw caution to the wind and dance in the rain, or at least walk out, stand and just breathe. Let the rain wash away all the hurt, cares, worries, and stress of the day.

Jeremiah 29:11

Today is Father's day. I am so blessed to have an amazing one, who is not a perfect man but is perfect for me. My dad is awesome and I have enjoyed this day with him. But the day is bittersweet. I am a re-singled mother of two amazing boys. A sweet woman who has been in my shoes wished me a Happy Father's day since I fill both rolls. But oh how I wish my boys new the unconditional love of an earthly dad. They have known so much loss, you see my boys have already lost a set of parents. And on adoption day I had no idea that when we promised to love these boys and cherish them as children born to us that I was the only one who meant it. He stood there promising to do something he never intended to or wanted to. He left us four years ago and never looked back, my dad tries to fill in and help where he can but he is Pappa not daddy. I pray God sends us a man that will step up and be daddy to my boys.
 Christian men there is a whole world of single mothers and fatherless children that need you to step up and fill in the gap, not necessarily as husbands but as role models and mentors. There are so many times a boy needs a dad and so many times that their heart is silently breaking because they are the one without a man in their lives to do things with when all their friends are talking. They are constantly looking for something to fill the void that not having a dad leaves. Most times this leads to bad choices and trouble. Men of the church we need you!!! We need you to stop thinking someone else will do it or thinking that we are going to try to trap you into marriage or take your interest the wrong way. We need you to stand up and show our boys how to be men. There are many things we as single mothers can do BUT we cannot teach them to be men, we cannot show them how to be good men and fathers. Please take a moment or twelve if you must and pray about stepping into a young man's life today.