Changing

Change. It is one thing you can always count on. I'm not going to tell you that change is always a wonderful thing,  hard at first but ending up all sunshine and daisies. Because often change comes and it is gut wrenching and painful but I will tell you that change can be wonderful.
 I remember somewhere around 8 or 10 being blissfully happy and just being me when someone I don't remember who changed me, they made me feel as if who I was, was not good enough for them. That was the day I decided that for people to like me I had to first figure out who they wanted me to be and then be that person.  I quickly learned that I was gonna have to be a quick change artist. So when I met knew people I would say and do little else but study them so I would know how to proceed. I became really good at making people think I was happy and had it all together as well.  I was anything but.  As a result of all of this not many people ever saw the real me and as of today 28 years later I can count those people on one hand.  Last week after approximately  28 years I sat that little girl down and said enough is enough.  I was having that " someone please look really closely,  I need someone to see I am dying inside"  moment when the Lord said I see,  I know and you know.  So what are You gonna do about it.  Me?  But God I'm just trying to keep the peace and not offend or shock anyone.  I'm trying to be what they  need me to be.  Silence.  Someone interrupted my internal dialog to tell me that I could not be friends with a guy because I was single and that he will get the wrong idea. That irked me.  That night I said ok I'm done... Without realizing it I said aloud I have to be me or I will die.  I might offend some people,  I may loose some people and if so that is on them.  No I am not changing into some other person.  No I am not loosing who I am. No I am not backsliding.  I am being who I created to be, I am being me.  I am being who I am in God.  Now I do realize there is a time and place for everything and that there will be times I will have to pull this perfected skill out and use it. But for now... I'm just happy discovering me.

 If I could leave you with one piece of advice it is this... Never be afraid to be you.  If someone makes you feel like you are not good enough,know it is their problem it is all about them not yours or about you!

BE YOU!